DISTORTED REALITY

I have heard the verse that " You give as much as you deserve according to your perception."

By that, I mean the person who gives you more than that is doing charity. That's a favor you are supposed to return, you are somehow subordinate to them.

So, isn't it unfair to expect them to do that favor because in the back of your mind you know you don't deserve it.

Like this when you cannot think you are worthy enough of looking at when you can't tolerate your reflection for a sec.

Like this when you've never smiled for a pic.

You feel that when others are looking at you at first is a favor you can never return as it piles up every hour.

You give your all since you can't tolerate your reflection without being uncomfortable.

The cost you pay is not just your time and money.

it's a cold negligence that you are giving to the kid who is inside you, you are disgusted by the look and feel anyone who loves is pretending that affection.

You are making others suffer more and more through your existence and beating that child's heart every time you feel that feeling.

The limelight is on you the revolt multiplied, and all are revolted and are in pain by you.

You gave your umbrella when it's raining, except you no one is soaking in the rain and you are sure you deserve it.

In that knowing one of your classmates came to you, you are terrified what if he confesses that truth which both of you are aware of the disgust he faces after seeing you.

you sigh.. he didn't confess that the mutual disgust is sitting in your head.

Many didn't come to confess the pain you cause but one came to break your heart he told you, you are hard to look at you don't know what he said all you know is it was about how you look and feel.

The proof was in front of your eyes now you are more conscious and fight with your shadow.

But one day the glass ceiling shattered when you were in front of a mirror and the scars that you hated you looked carefully and got to know that they are breathtaking your crooked smile and teeth are cute as hell.

Now you are free and not at all in debt.

the pain ain't there the memory is fuzzy, distinct, and blurry.